Friday, July 13, 2012

I'm back... did ya miss me?

I took some time to think about my blog and how best it could serve me right now.  I have been trying to shove it in a writers costume, but in reality that is not what would help right now.  I try not to get to personal in public, however I think that might just be what I need.

This blog may best serve me as a place to think and talk about my stroke recovery.  I am 6 months into the recovery phase.  That is really where all my thoughts and energy lie right now.

From the beginning I shall start. On January 4, 2012 I had a stroke in my right frontal lobe.  However I didn't go to the hospital until 2 days later.  The typical signs just weren't as prevalent as they lead you to believe they will be.

I had a pulled muscle in my back from shoveling snow so I had taken a Vicodin the night before.  I woke up with a headache and felt groggy, not unusual for me as I often had headaches and Vicodin can make me feel drunk.  So I went about my day.  Did my morning job, went home fell asleep and slept through a new sit I was supposed to start and went to the others way late.  Now that was unusual, I am not a nap taker and I'm never late.... anywhere.  I still thought it was the Vicodin.  So I went to bed, woke up feeling fine the next day.  I went to work and I even went to the gym and worked out but got tired really fast and my back still hurt.

So onto the next day, I still felt fine.  I went to work as usual but started having a hard time texting.  It was all coming out gibberish as I didn't realize that the T9 wasn't turned on so actual words weren't being typed and my speech was beginning to slur as well.  I dropped the leashes of the dogs I was walking a couple of times and when I bent down to pick them up I drooled all over myself.  I was getting ready to leave that job, talking to my husband (at that time still boyfriend) and I couldn't get my car into reverse; it's a clutch.  So he got worried and left work.  He made me talk to him while I drove home (I have bluetooth in my car so it was safe)! We met at home and I started having trouble with my left hand I dropped a cup when he handed it to me and my foot dragged when I walked.  I got my last job covered and went to the emergency room.  By the time we got there, the left side of my face was drooping.  I never lost consciousness, thankfully.  After a CT Scan and MRI they determined that I had a stroke but it was too late to treat with the blood clot medicine.  They also tried to scare me and say I had a brain tumor, but that wasn't the case.  I spent a couple days at that hospital then got transferred to another for rehabilitation.  I was there for 10 days.

I wish I had recorded more of that time in my journal, but for whatever reason I refused to write about what was going on.  Everyone else cried for me but I never cried for myself or went through a why me phase.  I just dealt with it and moved on.  I couldn't get better if I felt sorry for myself.  That is something that I need to try to remember now, I need to remember that woman that was in the hospital full of determination to walk again and use her arm and hand again.  Some days it is hard to deal with the after affects of my stroke.  I struggle to do things that used to be so easy and it can get incredibly frustrating.  Some days I do get down but I try at least in the back of my head to be grateful I am alive.  It could be so much worse than what it is.

I don't want to blather on too long so I will tell you about what I remember about rehab in another post on another day.

Be grateful for what you have and all that you are capable of!


  1. I commend you for talking about it here. You never know who you can help.

  2. I think this is a great place to talk about it. I had no idea about the signs of a stroke until last year when my mother-in-law had one and then a few months later my step father.
    Glad you are on the mend.

  3. Wow. Amazing story. I'm so glad that you're sharing it.

    Not that it is the same at all, but I went through a serious accident twenty years ago. While I was in the hospital, it seemed as though just getting through minute to minute was more important than anything else, and I did feel as though I was made of Teflon, in a way. The several months following were not so easy.

    I don't want to hand out advice or anything, but I did want to mention that my doctors told me that whatever mobility I had in the joints that were damaged after six months was all I would ever have. That was not true. I kept working at it, and things got better and better. The body has an amazing capacity to heal. Keep fighting.

  4. Glad you are back and doubly glad you're writing about your journey. Life is a roller coaster and I know you'll have ups and downs. Just know we will still be here!

  5. Yes, I did miss you! It's amazing what we can do when we're determined enough - driving yourself home must rank as a major achievement.

  6. thanks everyone for the kind comments!

  7. Thanks for sharing your story. It's a testament to the indomitable human spirit!

  8. Hi M.J. - I'm sorry it took me so long to get over here and comment! I've been remiss in my blog rounds.

    First off, I'm sorry you had to go through what you shared in your blog, but I think sharing your story will serve you in your healing. And it will inspire others.

    And you know what? Here's one of the wisest lines I've ever read in a post. You wrote: "I couldn't get better if I felt sorry for myself."

    You bet. *hugs*

  9. Whoa Lordy, you had a time of it, but I like the way you pull up your britches and carry on. Mom had a brain tumor, in her early forties, and we call it her lobotomy. New challenges, interesting detours and she was back and spunky in no time. You have the spirit, recovery is just a formality.

  10. You are an inspiration! Thank you for sharing your story. I had a stroke eight years ago. Mine was caused by a hole in my heart. I was very fortunate that the doctors were able to plug the hole and all is well now. But it was very scary at the time. Hang in there. :)