Friday, July 13, 2012

I'm back... did ya miss me?

I took some time to think about my blog and how best it could serve me right now.  I have been trying to shove it in a writers costume, but in reality that is not what would help right now.  I try not to get to personal in public, however I think that might just be what I need.

This blog may best serve me as a place to think and talk about my stroke recovery.  I am 6 months into the recovery phase.  That is really where all my thoughts and energy lie right now.

From the beginning I shall start. On January 4, 2012 I had a stroke in my right frontal lobe.  However I didn't go to the hospital until 2 days later.  The typical signs just weren't as prevalent as they lead you to believe they will be.

I had a pulled muscle in my back from shoveling snow so I had taken a Vicodin the night before.  I woke up with a headache and felt groggy, not unusual for me as I often had headaches and Vicodin can make me feel drunk.  So I went about my day.  Did my morning job, went home fell asleep and slept through a new sit I was supposed to start and went to the others way late.  Now that was unusual, I am not a nap taker and I'm never late.... anywhere.  I still thought it was the Vicodin.  So I went to bed, woke up feeling fine the next day.  I went to work and I even went to the gym and worked out but got tired really fast and my back still hurt.

So onto the next day, I still felt fine.  I went to work as usual but started having a hard time texting.  It was all coming out gibberish as I didn't realize that the T9 wasn't turned on so actual words weren't being typed and my speech was beginning to slur as well.  I dropped the leashes of the dogs I was walking a couple of times and when I bent down to pick them up I drooled all over myself.  I was getting ready to leave that job, talking to my husband (at that time still boyfriend) and I couldn't get my car into reverse; it's a clutch.  So he got worried and left work.  He made me talk to him while I drove home (I have bluetooth in my car so it was safe)! We met at home and I started having trouble with my left hand I dropped a cup when he handed it to me and my foot dragged when I walked.  I got my last job covered and went to the emergency room.  By the time we got there, the left side of my face was drooping.  I never lost consciousness, thankfully.  After a CT Scan and MRI they determined that I had a stroke but it was too late to treat with the blood clot medicine.  They also tried to scare me and say I had a brain tumor, but that wasn't the case.  I spent a couple days at that hospital then got transferred to another for rehabilitation.  I was there for 10 days.

I wish I had recorded more of that time in my journal, but for whatever reason I refused to write about what was going on.  Everyone else cried for me but I never cried for myself or went through a why me phase.  I just dealt with it and moved on.  I couldn't get better if I felt sorry for myself.  That is something that I need to try to remember now, I need to remember that woman that was in the hospital full of determination to walk again and use her arm and hand again.  Some days it is hard to deal with the after affects of my stroke.  I struggle to do things that used to be so easy and it can get incredibly frustrating.  Some days I do get down but I try at least in the back of my head to be grateful I am alive.  It could be so much worse than what it is.

I don't want to blather on too long so I will tell you about what I remember about rehab in another post on another day.

Be grateful for what you have and all that you are capable of!

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

No Wordzzzzz or Insecure Writers today

Happy Independence Day!!

Also I got another award for my blog thank you Carolyn but once again I am not participating in the Q and A portion nor the passing along of the award, sorry.

I am not doing my Wordzzzzz On Wednesday nor the Insecure Writers today. I am contemplating again the direction of this blog as I find it hard to motivate myself lately. So until further notice, I am not sure when I will be posting again.

Have a great week all!